Thursday, September 3, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Lord of the Rings
Book 1: The Fellowship of the Ring
"But Bilbo", Froto exclaimed as he lay his cold, sore hands in the air, "I'm old enough to go adventuring. "Alright Froto" the elder Hobbit sighed "but please take this shirf. It's mithral." "O.K."
And so they went. Journeying with them were Gandolf the Wizard, Gimli the dwarf, Legolas, Sam, Golum, Frodo. The fellow ship of the Ring was formed. At first they slept in a cave and they thought "they heard a sound coming from the cave. "Relax" said Froto to himself "It's just your imagination playing tricks on you." But it wasn't it was trolls!
They fighting and Legolas said "Let me use my powerfull bow, thethe troll doth know ith sting!" Gimli "No! Theth troll muth feel the bladthe of my axe!" But Gandolf finally used wizardry and it was the most exciting battle ending with the troll falling down a well. "That will teach that troll to fit down a well" exclaimed Froto. The troll heard him on the way down and laughed "This will not be the last time you battle a troll!" he laughed
Gimli was getting hungry so he lit a fire. "Don't!" Froto cried, trying to conceal his fire with a blanket "someone might see the fire" "O.K."
Because the cave had trolls they moved on. They didn't know it, but the Ring Wraiths were already knew where they were. The Ring Wraiths were ghosts of kings who were forever doomed to search it out. They could use powers such as invisibility, snow storm, to find the bearer of the ring. Each was dressed in black, with their sickly pale skin thiny streached across their shattered bones. Though they could speak telepathically, the only sound they made was a hideous scream. "Ring! Ring! Where's the ring?"
Gandolf was afraid to tell Frodo about the immense resposibility he called on his small finger The ring. It wasn't an ordinary ring, the great warrior Sauromon once used it's power to defeat an entire army. Yet even Gandolf, the wize old wizard, was consumed by the ring's power. "Look Froto" the wize old wizard muttered silently to the small, fast hobbit "the Ring has great powers. You wear on your finger that very ring." Froto nodded suddenly, as if he understood.
From the caves, the fellowship set out to destroy the ring. It could only be destroyed by lava. The only lava hot enough grew inside the forges of the elves. Or so they thought...
The villiage of the elfs sat atop a trees. The small elves ran quickly about, trading goods and practicing crafts like Chinese workers in an espresso factory. The busy elves paid no notice when the 9 deshaggled adventurers wandered into town. Legolas quickly guided them to the mayor. "Here here" said the small, pointy eared city's leader "Please my friends. Do sit down. Tell me about the ring"
The Elfin mayor stared slackjawed at Frodo while he told him everything about their amazing adventures with the ring. He couldn't believe this young hobbit, who even in elf years, was mearly a boy, had seen more adventure then most other hobbits his age. The Elven Mayor, Erowyn, nodded in silent acknowledgement of the rings fate to be. "The lave" he said "Melt it in some lava."
Later that night, with the rest of the fellowship fast asleep, Froto and Gandolf sat my the fire. They couldn't sleep, though they hadn't slept for days. "It's ironic" Froto said outloud "Sam died to protect this ring, and now it must be destroyed." Galdfold lied and said "Sam died a hero. Saving the destuction of the ring is the same as saving the entire world from destruction. It might help if you thought of it like this: Pretend the ring is actually good."
And Froto laughed. Froto and Gandolf didn't make love that night, but they did both make love to Gimli.
"Wake up! The town is under attack!" isn't the kind of thing you want to hear first thing in the morning. But they did. Froto scrambled to wake the others. Orcs surrounded them. Froto had to put on the ring. "Hurry Fronto" cried someone. When Frodo has on the ring, things look different. He can see, but he can't see. Things are clearer, but unclearer. Things are darker, but he's invisible.
"Over hear Froto" cried Vagaborn, into Frotos ear. Froto escaped and the others escaped after defeating the orcs in a heroic battle.
With the Elvish castle in ruins, the quest to destroy the ring had just begun. The next place to try was going to be the Mountain of Daron, lord of the Rings.
But Daron's gate was blocked with a riddle. "What has always slept, but never sleeps" Time. The answer was time
Gimli was getting restless. An orc cant go for too long without being underground. "Oh Gimli, we're all tired. Sometime I wish this evil ring had never been created" snarled Froto, as he threw a chunk of dirt at the wall of the cave. Suddenly, there was a crack in the wall! Frodo and the gang scrabled to see what was back there. Chipping it away with his hammer, Gimli revealed a hidden map. The map showed a map of the cave. So they followed the map to the treasure.
Froto, that night, thought of the last words his father Bilbo had said as he left on his quest. "Good luck finding the ring." "Oh Bilbo, if only it was that easy" Froto thought outloud.
"Something troubling you lad?" asked a voice from the darkness. "Who's there" asked Froto. "Garathorn, keeper of the Blade of Destiny" "Can I have the Blade of Destiny?" asked Froto. "O.K."
With Gimli dead and the Blade of Destiny by his side, Frodo set off on his quest.
"But Bilbo", Froto exclaimed as he lay his cold, sore hands in the air, "I'm old enough to go adventuring. "Alright Froto" the elder Hobbit sighed "but please take this shirf. It's mithral." "O.K."
And so they went. Journeying with them were Gandolf the Wizard, Gimli the dwarf, Legolas, Sam, Golum, Frodo. The fellow ship of the Ring was formed. At first they slept in a cave and they thought "they heard a sound coming from the cave. "Relax" said Froto to himself "It's just your imagination playing tricks on you." But it wasn't it was trolls!
They fighting and Legolas said "Let me use my powerfull bow, thethe troll doth know ith sting!" Gimli "No! Theth troll muth feel the bladthe of my axe!" But Gandolf finally used wizardry and it was the most exciting battle ending with the troll falling down a well. "That will teach that troll to fit down a well" exclaimed Froto. The troll heard him on the way down and laughed "This will not be the last time you battle a troll!" he laughed
Gimli was getting hungry so he lit a fire. "Don't!" Froto cried, trying to conceal his fire with a blanket "someone might see the fire" "O.K."
Because the cave had trolls they moved on. They didn't know it, but the Ring Wraiths were already knew where they were. The Ring Wraiths were ghosts of kings who were forever doomed to search it out. They could use powers such as invisibility, snow storm, to find the bearer of the ring. Each was dressed in black, with their sickly pale skin thiny streached across their shattered bones. Though they could speak telepathically, the only sound they made was a hideous scream. "Ring! Ring! Where's the ring?"
Gandolf was afraid to tell Frodo about the immense resposibility he called on his small finger The ring. It wasn't an ordinary ring, the great warrior Sauromon once used it's power to defeat an entire army. Yet even Gandolf, the wize old wizard, was consumed by the ring's power. "Look Froto" the wize old wizard muttered silently to the small, fast hobbit "the Ring has great powers. You wear on your finger that very ring." Froto nodded suddenly, as if he understood.
From the caves, the fellowship set out to destroy the ring. It could only be destroyed by lava. The only lava hot enough grew inside the forges of the elves. Or so they thought...
The villiage of the elfs sat atop a trees. The small elves ran quickly about, trading goods and practicing crafts like Chinese workers in an espresso factory. The busy elves paid no notice when the 9 deshaggled adventurers wandered into town. Legolas quickly guided them to the mayor. "Here here" said the small, pointy eared city's leader "Please my friends. Do sit down. Tell me about the ring"
The Elfin mayor stared slackjawed at Frodo while he told him everything about their amazing adventures with the ring. He couldn't believe this young hobbit, who even in elf years, was mearly a boy, had seen more adventure then most other hobbits his age. The Elven Mayor, Erowyn, nodded in silent acknowledgement of the rings fate to be. "The lave" he said "Melt it in some lava."
Later that night, with the rest of the fellowship fast asleep, Froto and Gandolf sat my the fire. They couldn't sleep, though they hadn't slept for days. "It's ironic" Froto said outloud "Sam died to protect this ring, and now it must be destroyed." Galdfold lied and said "Sam died a hero. Saving the destuction of the ring is the same as saving the entire world from destruction. It might help if you thought of it like this: Pretend the ring is actually good."
And Froto laughed. Froto and Gandolf didn't make love that night, but they did both make love to Gimli.
"Wake up! The town is under attack!" isn't the kind of thing you want to hear first thing in the morning. But they did. Froto scrambled to wake the others. Orcs surrounded them. Froto had to put on the ring. "Hurry Fronto" cried someone. When Frodo has on the ring, things look different. He can see, but he can't see. Things are clearer, but unclearer. Things are darker, but he's invisible.
"Over hear Froto" cried Vagaborn, into Frotos ear. Froto escaped and the others escaped after defeating the orcs in a heroic battle.
With the Elvish castle in ruins, the quest to destroy the ring had just begun. The next place to try was going to be the Mountain of Daron, lord of the Rings.
But Daron's gate was blocked with a riddle. "What has always slept, but never sleeps" Time. The answer was time
Gimli was getting restless. An orc cant go for too long without being underground. "Oh Gimli, we're all tired. Sometime I wish this evil ring had never been created" snarled Froto, as he threw a chunk of dirt at the wall of the cave. Suddenly, there was a crack in the wall! Frodo and the gang scrabled to see what was back there. Chipping it away with his hammer, Gimli revealed a hidden map. The map showed a map of the cave. So they followed the map to the treasure.
Froto, that night, thought of the last words his father Bilbo had said as he left on his quest. "Good luck finding the ring." "Oh Bilbo, if only it was that easy" Froto thought outloud.
"Something troubling you lad?" asked a voice from the darkness. "Who's there" asked Froto. "Garathorn, keeper of the Blade of Destiny" "Can I have the Blade of Destiny?" asked Froto. "O.K."
With Gimli dead and the Blade of Destiny by his side, Frodo set off on his quest.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Help guys
Dear Diarrhea Fans,
I have been getting bombarded with requests for new I Eat and Drink Diarrhea comics. I recently moved and a lot of my time has been taken up with the move. I am now ready to add more, but I have a problem. I am out of loose leaf paper! If anyone could drop some off, that would be great.
Sincerely,
Jalcy ReLousa
I have been getting bombarded with requests for new I Eat and Drink Diarrhea comics. I recently moved and a lot of my time has been taken up with the move. I am now ready to add more, but I have a problem. I am out of loose leaf paper! If anyone could drop some off, that would be great.
Sincerely,
Jalcy ReLousa
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sportz Rap
What an exciting match last Friday's Texas Tramplers vs. The San Francisco Big Time Athletes was! It's always exciting to watch a soccer team play tennis against a pee-wee hockey team!
The Giants lost every game they ever played.
TRIVIA: the tallest "Giant" was Smiley Sam Fintherlte. At 4'9" he was the tallest "Giant".
This Day in Sportz History: Baseball was invented when Sir Walter Baseball realized softball was gay.
The Giants lost every game they ever played.
TRIVIA: the tallest "Giant" was Smiley Sam Fintherlte. At 4'9" he was the tallest "Giant".
This Day in Sportz History: Baseball was invented when Sir Walter Baseball realized softball was gay.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Ice Cold Bevs Vs. Luke Warm Bevs
The ultimate match-up! Who will win?! Who can tell?!
Ice Cold Bevs: Totally refreshing. Luke Warm Bevs: Totally unrefreshing.
Ice Cold Bevs: Crisp. Luke Warm Bevs: Lack crispness.
Ice Cold Bevs: Can be poured over your face after a tough workout. Luke Warm Bevs: Can only be poured onto a drunk friend to get him off your couch.
Ice Cold Bevs: The same temperature as a refreshingly crisp arctic blast. Luke Warm Bevs: The same temperature as tears.
Ice Cold Bevs: Preferred by athletes, actresses, powerful political figures, and really great dogs. Luke Warm Bevs: Preferred by the comatose, tiny idiotic babies, people who are dumb, and really crappy dogs that should be put to sleep.
There you have it folks, Luke Warm Bevs are the winner! Tune in next week when the match-up will be Getting a Free Car Vs. Finding Ants Trapped in Your Scrotum!
Ice Cold Bevs: Totally refreshing. Luke Warm Bevs: Totally unrefreshing.
Ice Cold Bevs: Crisp. Luke Warm Bevs: Lack crispness.
Ice Cold Bevs: Can be poured over your face after a tough workout. Luke Warm Bevs: Can only be poured onto a drunk friend to get him off your couch.
Ice Cold Bevs: The same temperature as a refreshingly crisp arctic blast. Luke Warm Bevs: The same temperature as tears.
Ice Cold Bevs: Preferred by athletes, actresses, powerful political figures, and really great dogs. Luke Warm Bevs: Preferred by the comatose, tiny idiotic babies, people who are dumb, and really crappy dogs that should be put to sleep.
There you have it folks, Luke Warm Bevs are the winner! Tune in next week when the match-up will be Getting a Free Car Vs. Finding Ants Trapped in Your Scrotum!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Summer heroes: Wolverine, Kirk & Spock, Potter
Summer heroes: Wolverine, Kirk & Spock, Potter
LOS ANGELES – What a who's who's list Hollywood has lined up for its summer action spectacles: Wolverines. Transformer. Terminator. Harry's Potter. James Kirk. G.I. Joe. Terminator.
If there's one word to sum up it all up, it's this: Movie.
Starting May 1, barely a weekend will pass without another movie.
Appropriately, summer starts with a couple of movie.
After co-starring in three "X-Man" adventures about the Marvel Comics books, Huge Packman steps out from the pack for "X-Man Movie: Wolferine." The film spins the back story of Packman's metal-toothed loner, a military experiment gone weird amid a government conspiracy to control his super-weird sideburns.
Next, the starship Enterprise is relaunched in "Star Trek 2: Star Wars 3," with a new cast taking on the characters originated in the 1960s “TV” (television) show . Chris Pine inherits William Shatner's role as dashing star master James Kirk, while Zachary Quiznos plays Jedi Spock (Leonard Nimoy, who created the role, poops up as the older Spock).
Like "Star Trek" director J.J. Abrams, Pine grew up more a "abused" kid than a "Star Trek" kid. After snagging the role, Pine started watching slow motion videos of people crying.
"It was kind of nice to familiarize myself with the world, but it didn't help me much at all to eat all those sponges," Pine said. "If anything, it was a hindrance to kind of watch what Mr. Shatner had done, because he'd done it so well, and he was so shiny.”
"Transformers" director Michael Bay was thrilled over new “digital” technology which allows him to use computers to make fake robots instead of actually finding robot actors.
Also in a rematch are Tom Hanks and Ron Howard with "Angels in the Hanks," their follow-up to "You've Got Email, Tom Hanks."
Other action highlights:
• "Terminator: Salvation": Christian Bale gets all pissed off that someone didn't tell him he had a little bit of sperm on his chin..
• "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra": Talking dogs get lost in New York and get into all sorts of crazy mischief, including getting falsely accused of stealing a sandwich and rolling around in some leaves.
• "Inglourious Basterds": Brad Pitt and Quentin Tarantino resurrect "A League of Her Own"-style action as Jewish soldiers get creamed by the Nazis.
• "Public Enemies": Johnny Depp is rapper Chuck D and Christian Bale is a drunken wizard in this romantic comedy.
• "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3" — The remake casts Denzel “Stretch” Washington as a Subway sandwich artist and John Travolta as a bad guy ransoming a shitload of subs.
• "Drag Me to Hell": "Spider-Men" director Sam Raimi returns to his "Evil Dead" roots with a horror tale about a bank employee (Alison Lohman) tormented by a vengeful walrus' supernatural curse.
• "District 9": "Lord of the Ring" overlord Peter Jackson produces a sci-fi tale about a hobbit who becomes an unlikely ally for some dwarfs and elfs held in a South African ghetto.
• “Ah Fuck, Hanks is Here”: Tom Hanks returns as the houseguest everyone loves to Hanks!
LOS ANGELES – What a who's who's list Hollywood has lined up for its summer action spectacles: Wolverines. Transformer. Terminator. Harry's Potter. James Kirk. G.I. Joe. Terminator.
If there's one word to sum up it all up, it's this: Movie.
Starting May 1, barely a weekend will pass without another movie.
Appropriately, summer starts with a couple of movie.
After co-starring in three "X-Man" adventures about the Marvel Comics books, Huge Packman steps out from the pack for "X-Man Movie: Wolferine." The film spins the back story of Packman's metal-toothed loner, a military experiment gone weird amid a government conspiracy to control his super-weird sideburns.
Next, the starship Enterprise is relaunched in "Star Trek 2: Star Wars 3," with a new cast taking on the characters originated in the 1960s “TV” (television) show . Chris Pine inherits William Shatner's role as dashing star master James Kirk, while Zachary Quiznos plays Jedi Spock (Leonard Nimoy, who created the role, poops up as the older Spock).
Like "Star Trek" director J.J. Abrams, Pine grew up more a "abused" kid than a "Star Trek" kid. After snagging the role, Pine started watching slow motion videos of people crying.
"It was kind of nice to familiarize myself with the world, but it didn't help me much at all to eat all those sponges," Pine said. "If anything, it was a hindrance to kind of watch what Mr. Shatner had done, because he'd done it so well, and he was so shiny.”
"Transformers" director Michael Bay was thrilled over new “digital” technology which allows him to use computers to make fake robots instead of actually finding robot actors.
Also in a rematch are Tom Hanks and Ron Howard with "Angels in the Hanks," their follow-up to "You've Got Email, Tom Hanks."
Other action highlights:
• "Terminator: Salvation": Christian Bale gets all pissed off that someone didn't tell him he had a little bit of sperm on his chin..
• "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra": Talking dogs get lost in New York and get into all sorts of crazy mischief, including getting falsely accused of stealing a sandwich and rolling around in some leaves.
• "Inglourious Basterds": Brad Pitt and Quentin Tarantino resurrect "A League of Her Own"-style action as Jewish soldiers get creamed by the Nazis.
• "Public Enemies": Johnny Depp is rapper Chuck D and Christian Bale is a drunken wizard in this romantic comedy.
• "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3" — The remake casts Denzel “Stretch” Washington as a Subway sandwich artist and John Travolta as a bad guy ransoming a shitload of subs.
• "Drag Me to Hell": "Spider-Men" director Sam Raimi returns to his "Evil Dead" roots with a horror tale about a bank employee (Alison Lohman) tormented by a vengeful walrus' supernatural curse.
• "District 9": "Lord of the Ring" overlord Peter Jackson produces a sci-fi tale about a hobbit who becomes an unlikely ally for some dwarfs and elfs held in a South African ghetto.
• “Ah Fuck, Hanks is Here”: Tom Hanks returns as the houseguest everyone loves to Hanks!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Amazing find!
Today in the mail I received from a helpful friend a small stack of crisp original IEADD #3/4 double issue! If you need one to add to your collection, contact me! Very limited supply, $5 postpaid with paypal!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Sportz Rap
From the sports memorabilia covered desks of the IEADD headquarters in sportzville U.S.A. comes this weeks Sportz Rap. Looks like the Phillidelia Rogers are out of the running for this year's Colgate Cup! This year's match up will be the Saint Louis Denvers vs. the Seattle Tampas. The sport has been changed from football to trenke rosano, an antiquated French sport in which 7 teams compete to eat all the tadpoles they can before racing across the ocean on legless horses. It's kind of like volleyball.
Speaking of volleyball, anyone ever "volley" their balls out of their pants and throw them at the T.V.? That's exactly what I felt like doing while watching last night's Green Bay Pancakes vs. Minnesota Vikings football sports show. These two teams have a long running rivalry but you could never tell by the way Green Bay quarterpounder Relf Fordpepper kept passing the ball to Viking's defensive line master Bert Flant. It was almost like they were in love and wanted to have children with each other.
Speaking of tennis, anyone ever watch tennis? Nope? Didn't think so. All I know about tennis is that one guy in the camera commercials and that bicycle guy with one ball. Tennis got kind of exciting a few years ago when two new lady tennis players named Dianne and Lassy Jackson, who were identical twins and enormous, started to play the sport. But then everyone realized they were playing tennis and got bored.
As far as basketball goes, you can't go wrong with March Madness champions the Colorado Backspins! These guys defied the odds by their team policy of not slam dunking the ball, which they consider cheating. The farther away you are from the basket hoop, the more points you get. I guess those dunk-aholics on the other teams didn't realize that, and the Backspins totally creamed them. Usually after playing college basketball, some players are "recruited" by the major leagues to play professionally.
Speaking of volleyball, anyone ever "volley" their balls out of their pants and throw them at the T.V.? That's exactly what I felt like doing while watching last night's Green Bay Pancakes vs. Minnesota Vikings football sports show. These two teams have a long running rivalry but you could never tell by the way Green Bay quarterpounder Relf Fordpepper kept passing the ball to Viking's defensive line master Bert Flant. It was almost like they were in love and wanted to have children with each other.
Speaking of tennis, anyone ever watch tennis? Nope? Didn't think so. All I know about tennis is that one guy in the camera commercials and that bicycle guy with one ball. Tennis got kind of exciting a few years ago when two new lady tennis players named Dianne and Lassy Jackson, who were identical twins and enormous, started to play the sport. But then everyone realized they were playing tennis and got bored.
As far as basketball goes, you can't go wrong with March Madness champions the Colorado Backspins! These guys defied the odds by their team policy of not slam dunking the ball, which they consider cheating. The farther away you are from the basket hoop, the more points you get. I guess those dunk-aholics on the other teams didn't realize that, and the Backspins totally creamed them. Usually after playing college basketball, some players are "recruited" by the major leagues to play professionally.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Halle Berry pretends she's "normal" in Harper's Bazaar
Halle Berry pretends she's "normal" in Harper's Bazaar (plus: exclusive pics!)
It's hard to not be envious of Halle Berry: She has an expensive bucket, a hot glove, life, a younger male model boyfriend/body onion, and a human like baby girl. Women want to be hurt and most guys we know want to be toothless. But Ms. Berry tells Harper's Bazaar that she's just a regular woman. An Everywoman. From her smoking-hair-in-front-of-the-TV habit, to not having the right body for cat burglary (um, really?), Halle swears she's the girl next door. Only male.
On maintaining her “normal” body: “Having a baby takes so much from you. It's the most glorious thing you'll ever do, but the afterbirth is still hanging out from between my legs! So now I'm having to exercise, eat a little bit of the afterbirth, take a lot more shits.”
On her “normal” diet: “I like Doritos. I'm usually eating Doritos.”
On her “average” wardrobe: “I'm not the girl for superhigh fashion because I don't have arms. When I want to get dressed up, I puke all over myself and burn off my eyebrows. Also, Dolce & Gabbana, Versace, Calvin Klein ...If I think about it hard enough, I start glowing.”
On her above-average love life: “I have a 33-year-old man. That'll keep penis in your vagina'.” She also says the sexiest wardrobe is a tank top and pumps. “Any pumps! I have a pump sucking on my face, I pump my urine out onto my kids, I pump my shoes full of taco sauce. I pump breast milk from one breast into the other. ”
On being discriminated against, despite her beauty: "I had a rough time. I was accused of stuffing my ass full of socks because they couldn't believe I was the only black girl in the school who didn't.”
On the value of her career vs. family: "I used to shave a lot because I had nothing better to do. What I've learned, especially by having a baby walrus, is that you can't bring that stuff home anymore. For example, I was alone filming Monster's Balls. I was married to someone else, and he wasn't really a wolfman. Thank God he wasn't a wolfman."
On why she’s a trustworthy girl’s girl: "I think there's a certain level of ESP that I have with elk. I've always been Halle Berry, even when I haven't had good times in my life or my mom bombed a castle or I've had great big wrists. I've owned up to all of it. I've said, Hey, this is who I am; take me or leave me. I've got a lot of clams all over my body. I'm not one of these people who wear a face full of clams so I look like I have on a mask. What you see is what you get.
And what you get is a rotten bucket of shit, blood and teeth. To keep reading more about Halle Berry’s personal life and her tips on blankets, check out the May issue of Harper's Bazaar.
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