I Eat And Drink Diarrhea: June 2009

Book 1: The Fellowship of the Ring

"But Bilbo", Froto exclaimed as he lay his cold, sore hands in the air, "I'm old enough to go adventuring. "Alright Froto" the elder Hobbit sighed "but please take this shirf. It's mithral." "O.K."

And so they went. Journeying with them were Gandolf the Wizard, Gimli the dwarf, Legolas, Sam, Golum, Frodo. The fellow ship of the Ring was formed. At first they slept in a cave and they thought "they heard a sound coming from the cave. "Relax" said Froto to himself "It's just your imagination playing tricks on you." But it wasn't it was trolls!

They fighting and Legolas said "Let me use my powerfull bow, thethe troll doth know ith sting!" Gimli "No! Theth troll muth feel the bladthe of my axe!" But Gandolf finally used wizardry and it was the most exciting battle ending with the troll falling down a well. "That will teach that troll to fit down a well" exclaimed Froto. The troll heard him on the way down and laughed "This will not be the last time you battle a troll!" he laughed

Gimli was getting hungry so he lit a fire. "Don't!" Froto cried, trying to conceal his fire with a blanket "someone might see the fire" "O.K."

Because the cave had trolls they moved on. They didn't know it, but the Ring Wraiths were already knew where they were. The Ring Wraiths were ghosts of kings who were forever doomed to search it out. They could use powers such as invisibility, snow storm, to find the bearer of the ring. Each was dressed in black, with their sickly pale skin thiny streached across their shattered bones. Though they could speak telepathically, the only sound they made was a hideous scream. "Ring! Ring! Where's the ring?"

Gandolf was afraid to tell Frodo about the immense resposibility he called on his small finger The ring. It wasn't an ordinary ring, the great warrior Sauromon once used it's power to defeat an entire army. Yet even Gandolf, the wize old wizard, was consumed by the ring's power. "Look Froto" the wize old wizard muttered silently to the small, fast hobbit "the Ring has great powers. You wear on your finger that very ring." Froto nodded suddenly, as if he understood.

From the caves, the fellowship set out to destroy the ring. It could only be destroyed by lava. The only lava hot enough grew inside the forges of the elves. Or so they thought...

The villiage of the elfs sat atop a trees. The small elves ran quickly about, trading goods and practicing crafts like Chinese workers in an espresso factory. The busy elves paid no notice when the 9 deshaggled adventurers wandered into town. Legolas quickly guided them to the mayor. "Here here" said the small, pointy eared city's leader "Please my friends. Do sit down. Tell me about the ring"

The Elfin mayor stared slackjawed at Frodo while he told him everything about their amazing adventures with the ring. He couldn't believe this young hobbit, who even in elf years, was mearly a boy, had seen more adventure then most other hobbits his age. The Elven Mayor, Erowyn, nodded in silent acknowledgement of the rings fate to be. "The lave" he said "Melt it in some lava."

Later that night, with the rest of the fellowship fast asleep, Froto and Gandolf sat my the fire. They couldn't sleep, though they hadn't slept for days. "It's ironic" Froto said outloud "Sam died to protect this ring, and now it must be destroyed." Galdfold lied and said "Sam died a hero. Saving the destuction of the ring is the same as saving the entire world from destruction. It might help if you thought of it like this: Pretend the ring is actually good."

And Froto laughed. Froto and Gandolf didn't make love that night, but they did both make love to Gimli.

"Wake up! The town is under attack!" isn't the kind of thing you want to hear first thing in the morning. But they did. Froto scrambled to wake the others. Orcs surrounded them. Froto had to put on the ring. "Hurry Fronto" cried someone. When Frodo has on the ring, things look different. He can see, but he can't see. Things are clearer, but unclearer. Things are darker, but he's invisible.

"Over hear Froto" cried Vagaborn, into Frotos ear. Froto escaped and the others escaped after defeating the orcs in a heroic battle.

With the Elvish castle in ruins, the quest to destroy the ring had just begun. The next place to try was going to be the Mountain of Daron, lord of the Rings.

But Daron's gate was blocked with a riddle. "What has always slept, but never sleeps" Time. The answer was time

Gimli was getting restless. An orc cant go for too long without being underground. "Oh Gimli, we're all tired. Sometime I wish this evil ring had never been created" snarled Froto, as he threw a chunk of dirt at the wall of the cave. Suddenly, there was a crack in the wall! Frodo and the gang scrabled to see what was back there. Chipping it away with his hammer, Gimli revealed a hidden map. The map showed a map of the cave. So they followed the map to the treasure.

Froto, that night, thought of the last words his father Bilbo had said as he left on his quest. "Good luck finding the ring." "Oh Bilbo, if only it was that easy" Froto thought outloud.

"Something troubling you lad?" asked a voice from the darkness. "Who's there" asked Froto. "Garathorn, keeper of the Blade of Destiny" "Can I have the Blade of Destiny?" asked Froto. "O.K."

With Gimli dead and the Blade of Destiny by his side, Frodo set off on his quest.